forevers changing hands

fitting back into my skinny jeans and them being loose = win

feeling like im gonna faint at work….

fail

also more people are noticing the changes, i still dont except for my clothes…will be happy when they all fit again :) when i don’t feel like a fat fuck walking around…when everythings amazing again. THEN ill be happy. maybe. who knows….kinda holding onto a dream.

6 days ago

I am

[] anorexic
[x] ednos
[] bulimic
[] living off diet pills
[x] hungry
[x] thirsty
[] drinking something
[] Under 100lbs
[] fasting/starving myself

PEOPLE:
[] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic
[x] have called me fat
[x] have said I’m skinny
[x] have said I’m ugly
[x] have said I’m pretty
[x] spread rumors about me
[x] force me to eat
[x] say I eat too much
[x] wish I’d eat more
[x] don’t know I’m anorexic/bulimic/ednos

I WISH:
[x] I was THIN
[x] I had a better body
[x] I could control myself
[x] I was under 60kg
[x] I could avoid food
[x] I could hide what I am
[x] I wasn’t fat
[x] I was pretty
[x] I could stop being anorexic/bulimic/ednos

I LOVE:
[x] feeling hungry
[x] seeing a difference when fasting
[] shaking
[] feeling airy
[x] losing weight
[] being anorexic/bulimic/ednos
[] green tea
[x] diet pills
[x] being able to turn down food
[x] feeling good about myself

APPEARANCE:
[] I am shorter than 5’4
[x] I think I’m ugly sometimes
[x] I have many scars
[] I wish my hair was a different color
[x] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color
[] I have a tattoo
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance
[x] I have/had braces
[] I wear glasses
[x] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free
[x] I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger
[] I have more than 2 piercings
[] I have piercings in places besides my ears
[x] I have freckles

FAMILY:
[x] I’ve sworn at my parents
[x] I’ve run away from home
[x] I’ve been kicked out of the house
[x] My biological parents are together
[] I have a sibling less than one year old
[] I want to have kids someday
[] I’ve had children
[] I’ve lost a child
[x] I can’t have children

RELATIONSHIPS:
[x] I’m single
[] I’m in a relationship
[] I’m engaged
[] I’m married
[x] I’ve gone on a blind date
[] I’ve been the dumpee more than the dumper
[x] I miss someone right now
[x] I have a fear of abandonment
[x] I’ve cheated in a relationship
[] I’ve gotten divorced
[x] I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back
[x] I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t
[] I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did
[x] I’ve kept something from a past relationship
[x] I’ve been ‘the other woman’

SEXUALITY:
[] I’ve had a crush on someone of the same sex
[x] I’ve had a crush on a teacher
[x] I am a cuddler
[x] I’ve kissed in the rain
[x] I’ve hugged a stranger
[x] I have kissed a stranger

BAD TIMES:
[x] I’ve consumed alcohol
[x] I regularly drink
[] I can’t swallow pills
[x] I can swallow numerous pills at a time without water
[x] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression
[x] I shut others out when I’m upset
[x] I take anti-depressants
[x] I’m anorexic or bulimic or have EDNOS
[x] I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it
[x] I’ve hurt myself on purpose
[] I’m addicted to self harm
[x] I’ve attempted suicide
[x] I’ve woken up crying
[x] I’ve lost weight
[x] I’ve gained weight
[x] My weight holds me back
[x] Weight consumes me
[x] I’m at my thinnest
[] I’m at my biggest
[x] I’ve lost weight and kept it off
[x] I’ve lost weight but gained it back
[x] My weight affects my mood
[] I weigh myself daily
[x] I am jealous of everyone smaller than me
[x] I thrive on compliments
[x] I feel bigger than people who are my size
[x] I feel happy when I’m hungry
[x] I get depressed after I eat
[x] I’ve skipped a meal
[x] I’ve thrown food away
[x] I’ve spit food out
[x] I’ve fasted
[x] I’ve taken diet pills
[x] I’ve used laxatives
[x] I’ve purged
[x] I exercise
[x] I exercise so I can eat
[] I work out secretly
[] I work out daily
[x] I’ve fainted from exhaustion

I’ve done:
[x] Weed
[x] Cigarettes
[x] Alcohol[] Diet pills
[x] Pain killers (Only for legit pain)
[x] Sleeping pills
[x] Anti-depressants
[x] Ecstasy
[] LSD
[] Mushrooms
[] Speed
[] Cocaine
[] Other

HABITS:
[x] I keep my eating habits a secret
[x] I look at thinspo
[x] I collect thinspo
[x] I count calories
[x] I’ve had negative intake days
[x] I avoid food
[x] I hate food
[x] I love food
[x] I want to be this way
[x] I don’t want to be like this
[x] I wish I could have more control
[x] Being thin is my top priority
[] I am in treatment
[x] I’m doing this for me
[x] I’m doing this for someone
[x] I’m doing this to prove myself

1 week ago

tomorrows gonna suck.

cant be fucked anymore. someone pass me a bottle of vodka.

2 weeks ago

i am actually about ready to smash everything around me to the ground

in hopes it will make me feel better about how angry and dissapointed i am in the world right now.

what the fuck do i have to do to prove myself >.<

3 weeks ago

I saw something like this a while ago and re-did it to remind myself why i fight these demons, recently it’s been harder to pull myself up and remind myself that starving won’t get me anywhere…it’s just that feeling of loving the pain that comes from not eating…..sigh.

3 weeks ago

I heard from someone that you wished you could set things right between us…

well i guess i should have heard all that from you….

~~and all the best deceptions, and clever cover story awards go to you x~~

4 weeks ago

blergh.

not in the mood today :(

…

wake u up in the middle of the night to say - i will never walk away again, im never gonna leave this bed

1 month ago

people selling funeral packages on tv….always seem so happy

it just doesnt sit right with me.

1 month ago

boredizzle

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?
negs…one of my best friends…would be awkward
2. You talked to an ex today, correct?
nope - dont speak to two ever and the third and i are having another rut ahaha
3. Have you taken someones virginity?
mhm
4. Is trust a big issue for you?
massively
5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?
don’t really like anyone at the moment…awks
6. What are you excited for?
tomorrow night - assuming i find some id
7. What happened tonight?
dads losing his shit - mums sad - brother and i are hiding.
8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?
would be hypocritical….
9. Is confidence cute?
yup
10. What is the last beverage you had?
juice ^_^
11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?
3
12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?
many
13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?
sleep?
14. What are you going to spend money on next?
keypass
15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?
nope
16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?
probably, hopefully
17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?
karla i guess
18. The last time you felt broken?
today
19. Have you had sex today?
nope
20. Are you starting to realize anything?
yup - im pretty much alone
21. Are you in a good mood?
not at all
22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?
def
23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?
yupyup
24. What do you want right this second?
him to be happy….
25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?
id be shattered - totally shattered, id probably punch her
26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?
nope im freshly dyed black.
27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?
nope
28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?
driving behind one of my friends on the freeway :P we got into a race because she thought i was a stalker n when we realised it was hilarious
29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?
more then words.
30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?
yes
31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?
not at all
32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?
i dont really have anyone i have feelings for…
33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?
nope
34. Listening to?
call me maybe ahaha what of it?!
35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?
all the time
36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?
i dont know who the last person i kissed is :(
37. Do you believe in love at first sight?
yes.
38. Who did you last call?
work
39. Who was the last person you danced with?
jamie
40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?
drunk.
41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?
ages ago.
42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?
yes both
43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?
all the time
44. Do you tan in the nude?
i have
45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?
yup
46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?
i have…a couple of times
47. Who was the last person to call you?
work
48. Do you sing in the shower?
not really
49. Do you dance in the car?
yes - and i dance harder if someone catches me doing it ahah
50. Ever used a bow and arrow?
i have actually!
51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
couple of weeks back
52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?
naaahh good fun good fun
53. Is Christmas stressful?
very
54. Ever eat a pierogi?
come again?
55. Favorite type of fruit pie?
apple?
56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
teacher
57. Do you believe in ghosts?
yup - try not to though that shit creeps me ouuuuut.
58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
all the time.
59. Take a vitamin daily?
nope
60. Wear slippers?
yis
61. Wear a bath robe?
yis
62. What do you wear to bed?
hoodie + trackies or shorts.
63. First concert?
bardot.
64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?
kmart.
65. Nike or Adidas?
adidas
66. Cheetos Or Fritos?
cheetos
67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
sunflower seeds :)
68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?
you’re not sorry
69. Ever take dance lessons?
i did
70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
nope
71. Can you curl your tongue?
nope
72. Ever won a spelling bee?
nopppe
73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
yes :)
74. What is your favorite book?
unbearable lightness.
75. Do you study better with or without music?
with
76. Regularly burn incense?
sometimes
77. Ever been in love?
mhm
78. Who would you like to see in concert?
maroon 5
79. What was the last concert you saw?
soundwave
80. Hot tea or cold tea?
hot
81. Tea or coffee?
coffeeee
82. Favorite type of cookie?
choc chip :)
83. Can you swim well?
yes
84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?
yessss
85. Are you patient?
nooo
86. DJ or band, at a wedding?
band
87. Ever won a contest?
couple
88. Ever have plastic surgery?
nope
89. Which are better black or green olives?
black?
90. Opinions on sex before marriage?
not fussed
91. Best room for a fireplace?
bedroom
92. Do you want to get married?
yis sir